Wow, it has been far to long…nearly a year that I have last posted. Including my adventures into the wild. I am really looking at myself to see what kept me from coming back daily, even if for a brief check-in. Everyday there is something to talk about, look at, reflect on, evaluate and so many other ways to learn myself and become a better me.
What do I say at this point? Lost my job at FedEx, got hired at USPS and in 5.5 months became a supervisor. That was unexpected and I am grateful to get to this point so soon. I know I have more than I even know to learn about this position, but what I do know, this isn’t the position I will be staying at. I am still looking at other avenues within the post office. Primarily on the safety side of life. But that is also something to explore before committing to going that route. Maybe a postmaster at a small office or maybe larger? I really don’t know. I mean, if this blog became finically fruitful and could sustain with equal to or more than I make currently, then fork the job! This would be much more exciting to do and can do long after retirement age because it is something I WANT TO DO.
That being said, I have really really neglected myself this last year, I got away from me. I barely hiked, I went out more to live music (don’t get me wrong, that certainly is a good time and truly enjoy the talent out there locally), drank more than I ever have in my life (all socially, with drink of choice being an Old Fashion, yet I do have a goal to try new and different versions when I see them on a menu; such as Old Fashion Passion, Cardamom infused Old Fashion and a pineapple one as well. Turq says the ones in Tacoma McMenamins is the best yet so I need to try that one soon), and been out and about in ways that have been removed from my core home…nature.
Not only have I been not getting out to the mountains and take pictures that capture my soul and the emotions I am experiencing, I GAINED way too much weight. At 6’4 (ok ok, for those who know me and I have told..I am actually 6’3 ¾) I was holding firm(ish) at 215-220. Belt had to have 2 holes put in it to keep my pants from falling off my ass…it was a good weight, and I could have added a bit o’ muscle. NOW, I am steady at 250-255!!! AHHHHHHH ☹. It is hard to be at this, weight, coming from the journey to get to down and maintain the 220 lbs, it takes its toll on me emotionally. When I look in the mirror and see that belly sticking out way to far, even when I suck it in. Fuck, even at this moment I am near tears about it.
I think..no, I KNOW this is yet another form of self-betrayal. I have been so good at it my whole life. Why am I not surprised I am here doing it again? The difference, I noticed it, witnessed it and now I am actively making choices to reverse and honor myself as I know I am able to do. I do have to reflect on why? I have given all sorts of excuses such as Transitioning to a new role in life, not enough time blah blah blah, all bullshit veils of half-truths. Yes, there are truths but not the whole truth. One can only heal when they face themselves and the actual TRUTH.
So for the moment, I will pause it here and I have more to talk about. Turq, Chief K, the new blood we’ll call Cannoli and so much more