Well, Here it goes! The beginning of my self-loving journey!

Hello to everyone! This is the beginning. We all have to start somewhere right?!

To start, My name is Jason. I am 42 currently, living in Washington State. I am truly unsure where to start or where to go with all this. I am not a writer by trade nor education. This is a blog or online journal, if you will, that will help me keep my thoughts and feelings in order or at least documented. So if nothing else, I can look back at how life has lead me and the choices I have made. The emotional effects and states I go through as each and every revelation, insight, “Ah Ha” moment, realization and an other “come to Jesus” feelings one can get.

I have been thinking long and hard about starting a blog. There are so many out there, far better designed, likely better written and with major insights. But, they are not me. Nor are they the same. Our lives bring us on different paths and perspectives. All are valid for the individual, all are experiences each have encountered. All have lessons that have been learned. I encourage everyone to grow in whatever ways they find most fitting and self-loving.

As today has moved on, the late night I am sitting here starting said blog, I will wish you all a Happy New Year. I, personally, have a laundry list of accomplishments to achieve, all vital in my own betterment and growth. From travel to learning a language, Spanish in particular, for my trip to Spain I am planning in a couple years. Going back to a country of origin in which I am 1/4 of. I have always been intrigued to learn of my heritage. A portion of what has given me my DNA. It isn’t WHO I am, but merely apart of what makes me me. Which leads me to what I think is my first top on this blog…”Labels” or “Identifying”

Identify: Lets look at this word

The proverbial “I AM” is a way to label ones self. To be identified. Is it for a better understanding of who we are as an individual? Is it to let OTHERS know who and what we are? Here is my true question, why does it matter? Do we need to stick out and be individuals? Do we need to be Unique? What if what we are is a disability? OR a Disease? Or some other hinderance? Does that make us anything other than that in which we identify as?

“It all begins and ends in your mind. What you give power to, has power over you, if you allow it.”

— Leon Brown

The quote above is incredible in that, when we say “I AM angry”, “I am ADHD”, “I AM (insert label)” then we are giving that aspect power over us. You put forth an energy that grows exactly what you say you are. Our cells react like little machines in accordance to what program we have given them. So when you say “I AM”, that is the programming downloaded to their little processors. Then they proceed to be as you tell them to be.

Now, how does this relate to me and such a heavy first post? Well, I have a few “identifiers” I have labeled myself as over the years.

A list of I Ams’:

• A Cheater
• A terrible Father
• A Loser
• Fat
• A Covert Narcissist

Those are a short few that I can come up with off the top of my head. Those and the subconscious false beliefs have helped architect the life I find myself in. Not at all WHERE I THOUGHT I would find myself at this age.

Thus I have begun my journey. It started a couple years ago, well, truly about 5 years ago. Late, like REALLY late. I have hurt those I loved, and still love to this day. As my online journey begins on this day, I will reveal more about my past and whom I have become. To protect those whom are still active in my life, there will be alterations on names marked with an *.